It happens so that I may be reckoned among those who at the initial stage of self-development make no headway for a long time, vainly trying to enter the Spiritual World by means of consciousness. To make it as clear as possible (hopefully, regular visitors of this website have already learnt to distinguish a real pear of that made of papier-mâché) I was trying to force my way into the Spiritual World by means of mind or Devil, just like the absolute majority of believers on the planet. Yes! I was making my way to God with Devil’s help! Probably, it’s the most shocking paradox by which our civilization has punished itself, having lost the Primordial Knowledge and plunged into the swamp of lifeless mental dogmata and distortions.
This article lay idle for a month and a half in my desk. The composition of it involved numerous obstacles, and even after the final article version was prepared and thoroughly edited on the website in the offline mode, the text suddenly and enigmatically disappeared, so that I had to rewrite everything all over again. Nonetheless, after a while I decided to go back to this story for a reason unknown to me.
In my previous publication entitled Grace of the Most Holy Mother of God I disclosed some details of my biography associated with my past spiritual awakening, if such pathos expression would be appropriate for an ordinary non-pathos life situation. In my case I could stop on that, since I am neither a select nor awarded with any particular divine marks or signs. However, something probably clicked inside, and the memory suddenly exposed a very interesting and long-forgotten story from the same time period, which story’s directly connected with Virgin Mary or rather her manifestation during my ordeals of those days. I gave myself a while to mull over whether I should present the story to a wide audience, and if so, in which form should I do that. I was and am still harried by certain contradictions: firstly I wouldn’t like to seem immodest, and secondly I fear to dilute the emphasis, since for better understanding it’s necessary to give details of my life situation in the first part of the story, while that situation had nothing to do with spirituality. Moreover, the whole story looks rather improbable today even for me, and I’m simply astounded what a fine fellow I was in those years.
I remember my first visit to the church about fifteen years ago. Someone said there was a monastery in Pechersk district of Kiev, where a wonderworking icon of the Mother of God was kept, and, supposedly, if one came there early in the morning, stood at the entire first acathistus and prayed, he or she could ask for certain things, and everything would come true. Yes, this was exactly how I memorized it fifteen years ago: “ask, and everything will come true”. A bait of miracle and wishes fulfilment in those rather troubled times. And I certainly went there, not so much for the sake of asking, but rather to see the icon which was so miraculous to fulfil all people’s wishes. Was it really wonderworking? Just to mention, I was not gullible at all, quite the contrary, but for some reason the mysterious wonderworking icon and the nationwide worship of the Mother of God – the authority – became convincing for me.