Once, when I had already read the books by Anastasia Novykh and started attending meditation classes, I fractured my leg. Lying at home in a plaster cast, I read a book by Sai Baba about meditations on the Lord’s name and image. I decided to combine Jesus’ image with Jesus’ Prayer. It was inconvenient to draw “on my knees”, and suddenly I recalled that in the primary school I had been good at cross-stitching. So, I decided to embroider a portrait of Jesus. I found an image of the restored Turin Shroud on the internet, converted the image into crosses, ordered threads online and started cross-stitching. When I finished about 20 percent, I understood something’s wrong: the threads didn’t comply with the image I planned. That understanding was long-lasting and persistent until I agreed to it. I called to an embroidery shop, asked a friend to take me there by car, came there… but there was no thread I needed. I was selecting threads among what was available, not being aware of why I chose those concrete ones. The choice was “totally accidental”. Having returned home, I started redoing the embroidery layout to adjust it to the threads I purchased and wondered how “I managed to do so”. But I did manage to design a marvellous image. Then I was cross-stitching days long. My inner state from the moment I had selected the threads until the embroidery was finished was very special: everything was being done in a burst of inspiration, and I had a sensation that was happening not to me. I washed the finished embroidery, ironed it and put it into a plastic file, so that it wouldn’t get dusty. My leg knitted well, and I returned to work. To put the embroidery into a frame, I lacked time or inspiration. Thus almost a year passed. Once I was going to the meditation class, and something “urged” me to take the embroidery with me in order to share with folks. During the class I forgot about it, but at the very end somebody inside me, without my knowledge or consent, simply stood up and showed the embroidery to everyone.
One woman liked the embroidery very much, and she asked me to sell it to her. I responded, how would it be possible to sell Jesus? She then asked to present it, and I refused again. I had GREAT plans as to combining the image with prayers (through I hadn’t implemented the plans over a year), “I” invested so much effort… and now I was asked to present it. Talks ended with nothing. And in several days I became aware that was nothing else, but the desire to possess. That was like a finger flick. Within an instant I understood, and simultaneously a great desire to present arose. Being as if defogged, I ran around looking for glass and other materials for the frame; then made the frame itself… And Jesus was ready. For a couple of days he was on the wall in my room, and that was inexpressible. Then I took Him to the meditation class in the state of joy throughout the way, then presented… and THAT’S ALL. And immediately peace came and a feeling that I completed my job.
After that case I noticed about myself that when I share something with someone I no more care about giving all. Before I always thought I needed to leave something for myself. Such thoughts haven’t abandoned me totally and come to me from time to time. However, all such thoughts associated with greediness, stinginess, or desire to possess, are now in full view for me, they have ceased to be “unnoticeable”. The only thing I need to do is to ignore them.
Received from Alexander (Kiev, Ukraine)
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