Somebody inside me poses as myself

     I’m not very good at writing, but I hope one who’s good at this will correct me accordingly.

    Everything started long ago. Once I was sitting in a kitchen corner and observed various egoistic thoughts running through my head. But the most interesting thing was that I noticed how my husband was expressing his dissatisfaction with our child, the child was demanding what he wanted, my sister was yelling at her child, and our grandfather started shouting everyone were disturbing him... At that point I observed and clearly saw the Ego action in every person, and Ego was defending its own position only. And I had this, too. I suddenly realized there were no people inside people!!! Consciousness caught the wave and started rebuilding the course of thinking in its way. The following thoughts appeared: “What a nightmare! How will I communicate with them from now on? This is only the system! How can I reach out to people?”... In a couple of days I forgot about that situation, for quite a long time. Permanent attempts to free myself from the system control brought certain fruits. One night I was sitting and suddenly realized who I was! There was not a single thought, but I was totally aware of who I was! That was such a significant understanding and experience – to feel who was the real me! And, most importantly, Personality indeed has neither analysis nor thinking! After a period of observation the following started to take place: a thought appeared, and I didn’t catch it right away because of my habit to think. “I am whole and indivisible, I’m the daughter of the Father, etc.” I now saw totally clearly! The scales of endless reflections fell from my eyes! We can easily notice negative thoughts, but when it begins to talk about the spiritual inside us from the “I” perspective, we take it for ourselves. And then it hypnotizes us and starts wanting, desiring something, etc., and we automatically start doing this! Once I realized this, a category of my favourite reflections began: how I would tell about my awareness to others. That sounded as follows: “I now know who I am”... Yet, who’s thinking about this now?! For 24 years I was living under the enemy’s power, fully trusting it and fulfilling all its demands and desires. I took the enemy for myself.  

    I haven’t really lived as Personality in fact. All attempts to perceive the Spiritual World always ended with downfalls, only because I continued to listen to that voice inside. Now I understand I need to shift the point of focus from reflections to feelings. This is exactly the spiritual work, and this is what our choice is all about!


Received from Olga (Russia)

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